I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
