If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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