so explain again why im purple
no
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My penis needs a shock collar
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
