He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize