The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
