i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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