i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
