How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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