Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
