The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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