we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize