FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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