dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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