before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
