He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
