He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
