I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
