Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
