OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
