If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
