She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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