I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
