So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
