girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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