you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
