First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize