my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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