I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
