Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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