There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
