remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
