Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
