Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
