Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
