I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
