i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize