thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it was like eating out sand paper
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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