He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
