Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
