wanna go halves on a baby?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The Olympian is in my bed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
