69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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