If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have post one night stand depression
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
