Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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