Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
