No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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