whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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