doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
