Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
