the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
