Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
