At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
