So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
