I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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