I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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