im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
