She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Don't EVER smell your tampon
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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