They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
