I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
