Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
