So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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