Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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