clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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