i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
