So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
