forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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