I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
