I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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