Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize