He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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