Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
