Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
