My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
