I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
