thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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