My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
