he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
