So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
