Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
