i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
