no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize