I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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