And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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