i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
