You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
