Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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