we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I want a musical about memes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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