if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize