Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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