2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
