I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Randomize
