i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
