I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
