so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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