I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
