No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And then my night got REAL pukey
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
