so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
do herpes really smell.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my poor anus
I could fuck to npr.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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