Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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